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HOUES WITH THE LOED. 



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TRANSLATED FROM THE GERMAN OF THEREMIN 



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" Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord. Though 
your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though the% 
be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isa. i. 18. 




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BOSTON: 

E. P. DUTTON AND COMPANY. 

135 Washington Street. 

1867. 






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Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1866, by 

E. P. DUTTON AND COMPANY, 

in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the District of 

Massachusetts. 



RIVERSIDE, CAMBRIDGE : 

STEREOTYPED AND PRINTED BY 

H. 0. HOUGHTON AND COMPANY. 



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CONTENTS. 



o . 

CHAPTER I. 

PA&E 
DISINCLINATION TO PRAYER .... 5 

CHAPTER II. 

THE LORD DRAWS THE SOUL TO HIMSELF 11 

CHAPTER III. 

THE HIDING OF THE LORD'S FACE ... 17 

CHAPTER IV. 

ANXIETY FOR FRIENDS 23 

CHAPTER V. 

ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF A FRIEND'S DEATH 28 

CHAPTER VI. 

SLEEPLESSNESS 31 

CHAPTER VII. 

BODILY PAIN ....... 37 



IV CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

PAGE 
ANXIETY IN VIEW OF DEATH .... 48 

CHAPTER IX. 

DISTRESS OF MIND 55 

CHAPTER X. 

SPIRITUAL JOY 60 

CHAPTER XI. ' 

GOOD FRIDAY EVENING 64 

CHAPTER XII. 

BEFORE THE LORD'S SUPPER .... 71 




Theremin, in an article upon devotional literature, 
says: "There is an important gap to be filled in 
religious literature, by the publication of real prayers, 
remembered and written out, with the suppression of 
what is too private and individual. The following 
papers, which I term * Conversations of the Soul with 
the Lord,' are to be regarded from this point of view." 
— Abend Stunden von Dr. Franz Theremin, p. 491. 



HOURS WITH THE LORD. 



CHAPTER I. 

DISINCLINATION TO PRATER. 

" We kneel, how weak ! We rise, how full of power I 
Why, therefore, should we do ourselves this wrong, 
Or others, — that we are not always strong. 

That we are ever overborne with care, 
That we should ever weak or heartless be, 

Anxious or troubled, — when with us is prayer, 
And joy and strength and courage are with Thee ! " 

Trench. 

T7ROM Thee alone, O Lord, I receive 
A every good thing ; but I must come 
to Thee and take it. I must draw nigh 
to Thee and address Thee. 

When I do not pray, a heavy load 
lies upon my heart ; and trifling, even 
happy occurrences seem like omens of 
approaching trouble ; slight obstacles in 
my path loom up before me like moun- 



6 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

tains. I cannot endure myself, nor 
others ; my vision into heaven and the 
invisible world is clouded ; my departed 
friends seem lost to me. But as soon 
as I begin to seek Thee again, and to 
talk with Thee, the burden under which 
my heart groaned, is taken away; every 
thing looks bright, and indicates future 
peace and joy. I go to my work cheer- 
fully, and hope that it will prosper 
through Thine aid. I still sigh about 
myself; but I have patience with my 
own infirmities, and am not chafed and 
pained by those of others. Heaven is 
open to me again, and I can speak with 
Thee, and also with those dear friends 
who are with Thee there. 

It is, however, a bitter reproach and 
sorrow to me that I so seldom seek 
Thy face, and pour out my heart in 
communion with Thee, although I re- 
ceive such great mercies by so doing. 
When the pressure of work, and of soci- 
ety keeps me from raising a glance or a 



DISINCLINATION TO PRAYER. 7 

thought to heaven, then I crv, — O sweet 
solitude ! O blessed leisure ! when ye 
are mine again, how will I refresh my 
heart by communing with the Lord ! 
Leisure is granted me ; solitude opens 
her arms to me ; Thou, Thyself, O 
Lord, knockest at the door of my heart, 
and remindest me of my promise. But 
I scarcely open it to Thee ; I say to 
Thee a few cold measured words, such 
as one speaks from a sense of propriety, 
not from the impulse of the heart. 

Yes, Lord, my heart bows with 
shame as I confess to Thee that I feel 
a dislike, a fear, which I need to con- 
quer before I can talk with Thee. O 
God ! intercourse with my fellow-men 
is so sweet to me, how can I be afraid 
to talk with Thee ? I often frequent 
the society of men for pleasure, and I 
seek Thy face only because my duty 
constrains me ! Have I ever ex- 
perienced from Thee the coldness, 
the hardness, the enmity which I 



8 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

have often received from men ? Hast 
Thou ever repulsed me ; hast Thou 
not always lovingly received me, even 
when I had been long estranged from 
Thee ? Hast Thou ever refused to 
forgive me when Thou sawest me 
bowed down by my sins ? Hast Thou 
not always comforted me in my fail- 
ures? Hast Thou not always given 
me Thy friendly counsel how to begin 
anew to order my life so that I might 
free myself from them, more and 
more ? 

What is it then, Lord, which raises 
this barrier between me and Thee, and 
keeps me out of Thy presence ? 

Alas ! It is my own earthly mind, 
my depravity, which is afraid of Divine 
Love, even when it shines most brightly 
upon me ; and would rather stoop to 
the basest things which injure me, and 
will bring upon me severe penalties, in 
return for the preference I give them. 

Lord, I will no longer permit this 



DISINCLINATION TO PRAYER. 9 

heavy, hurtful clog, which weighs upon 
my soul, to draw me down to earth, 
and keep me far from Thee ; I will re- 
sist it ; I will use the wings which 
Thou hast lent my spirit, with which it 
is possible for it to soar to Thee. As 
soon as I tiy and exercise my will, I 
succeed through Thy grace. Even 
now, I have tried, I have willed. I do 
not say, Lord, that I have wholly suc- 
ceeded, that I have spoken to Thee 
such w^ords as Thy chosen speak. Poor 
and meagre have my words been, as 
my heart is poor and needy ; but they 
have not been without a blessing ; for 
when I began to speak to Thee, I was 
oppressed with sorrow and anxiety ; 
but as I spoke, my heart was lightened 
and expanded, and very nearly attained 
a feeling of perfect peace and rest. 

Ought I to fight my way to this rest, 
this sense of perfect peace, O Lord ? 
No, I need not. I must find my way 
to it by communing with Thee by 



10 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

prayer. As a cause of trouble arises, 
I must take it and submit it to Thee ; 
it will either vanish, or else the pain 
which it causes will be much lessened, 
and be good for me. 

If I thus pass my earthly life com- 
muning with Thee, when I have finished 
my pilgrimage, and Thou hast received 
me into heaven, then shall I begin an 
eternal, uninterrupted communion with 
Thee concerning things, not of sorrow 
and pain, but of joy and delight. What 
blessed communing that will be ! 




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CHAPTER II. 

THE LORD DRAWS THE SOUL TO HIMSELF. 

" His love of us may teach us how 
To love Him in return. 
Love cannot help but grow more free 

The more its transports burn. 
Oh, who can tell how Jesus oft 
His secret thirst will slake 
On those strange freedoms, childlike hearts 
Are taught by God to take." 

Faber. 

T THANK Thee, O Lord, that it be- 
comes more and more habitual and 
necessary to me to turn my thoughts 
to Thee ; to place myself at Thy feet 
and to speak to Thee, not in studied 
words, but with the sighs of my inmost 
heart. 

I thank Thee for this as Thy gift. 
From my earliest days I have yearned 
for something which would wholly 
satisfy me, in which I could rest en- 



12 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

tirely ; this is indeed the universal long- 
ing of humanity, but without Thy guid- 
ance it can never be satisfied. The 
pearl of price, even Thou, can be 
found, but it lies hidden in the sands 
of the sea, and the sea is vast and the 
sands are innumerable. Thou knowest 
how often I have gone astray, seek- 
ing for things not in conformity with 
Thy will. But Thou didst stretch out 
Thy mighty hand, Thou didst lead 
me, while I thought that I walked 
alone, and didst bring me into the right 
way. Thou didst open mine eyes, as 
those of the blind man of old, and didst 
let fall upon them such mild rays of 
glory, that I am constrained to seek 
Thee continually. 

At first I did not seek Thee aright, 
for I remember that I was satisfied 
with realizing, not Thyself, but Thine 
image, and that I only strove for that 
when attacked by the enemy with un- 
usual violence. 



THE LORD DRAWS THE SOUL. 13 

Thou, who wilt accept the feeblest 
spark of devotion to Thee, didst keep 
me from sin, but withheld Thy true 
peace. 

If I do not now possess it perfectly, 
I have come much nearer to it, since I 
have sought in Thee, not Thy gift, but 
Thyself; and did not wait for a time 
of need to speak to Thee ; and then in- 
stead of worshipping Thine image have 
turned unto Thyself. How childish we 
are to think that Thou art present in 
an image conjured up to itself by the 
mind, and not to believe in Thy real 
presence with us ! 

Since I have thus communed with 
Thee, I have experienced a deep peace, 
which, although interrupted by mo- 
ments of distress, has never been broken 
-for any length of time. 

Many things have befallen me, as 
Thou knowest, dear Lord, which I 
could not well have borne hadst Thou 
not strengthened me in these closet 
hours. 



14 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

The Lord. " I am faithful and will 
not let my sheep be tempted above that 
they are able, but will put so speedy an 
end to the temptation, that they may 
endure it." 

TJie Soul. " Behold I have taken 
upon myself to talk with the Lord, al- 
though I am dust and ashes. I would 
now ask something of Thee, if it please 
Thee." 

The Lord. " Speak." 

The Soul. " Thou hast brought me 
near to Thee ; but Thou hast brought 
it to pass by taking from me almost 
every thing that I had. Whatever I 
thought that I might depend upon, 
Thou didst always come and take it 
from me, and destroy it. And so Thou 
doest continually. Much that Thou 
hast taken was injurious to me, and I 
do not regret it ; but there was much 
which I might have enjoyed without 
harm, using it to Thine honor ; but 
even this Thou didst not leave." 



THE LORD DRAWS THE SOUL. 15 

Th,e Lord. " Thou doest well to utter 
all the thoughts of thy heart to me, 
for I will have them all told, although 
I knew them before. Yet what thou 
sayest now is prompted rather by self- 
will than by love for me. I ask thee 
now, am I more to thee than all else, 
or is there any thing which thou desir- 
est more than me ? " 

The Soul. " I think, Lord, that noth- 
ing in the world can be dearer to me 
than Thou art. If there is any thing 
dearer to me, grant me strength to 
sacrifice it to Thee." 

The Lord. " Tell me, furthermore ; 
have I ever taken any thing from thee, 
without giving thee a larger portion in 
me?" 

The Soul. " Even so, Lord ! Thou 
keepest truth in Thy words, and re- 
mainest pure when Thou art judged. 
I thank Thee that Thou hast hidden 
my folly, and corrected me so gently. 
He that truly loveth Thee, must be 



16 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

happy in possessing Thee alone, should 
he go without the whole world. What 
need I more ! Thou hast deigned once 
more to hearken unto me, and to speak 
with me. It is sweet to talk with Thee 
rather than with men ; for sometimes 
their words leave the heart cold and 
wounded, and sometimes they intoxi- 
cate it with flattery and dangerous 
praise. But when we talk with Thee, 
our hearts are never chilled, but are 
satisfied with Thy love, and although 
humbled, are also made light and glad. 
Thanks be to Thee, O Lord ! ' 







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CHAPTER III. 



THE HIDING OF THE LORD'S FACE. 



*' If this drear change be Thine, Lord ! 
If it be Thy secret will, 
Spare not, but to the very brim 

The bitter chalice fill. 
But if it hath been sin of mine, 

Oh show that sin to me ; 
Not to get back the sweetness lost, 
But to make peace with Thee." 

Fabek. 

THE Soul. " Graciously hearken to 
me, Lord, and if I err in my com- 
plaint, oh correct me ! Lo, I have 
often asked Thee for things important 
to my spiritual welfare, and to that of 
others. Thou hast given them after 
many yejirs of anxiety and sorrow. 
Often must Thy believing children suf- 
fer for their little faults much greater 
punishments, both external and internal, 
than the despisers of Thy mercy receive 



18 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

for much greater sins ; and if they raise 
their eyes to comfort themselves with a 
glance at Thee, a cloud rests upon Thy 
face, so that they cannot see Thee. 
What can they think at such times ; 
what can be said to comfort them ? 
Must we tell them that Thou lovest 
them no less in those dark hours than 
in those only too rare moments when 
Thy face beams upon them most 
brightly, and the fulness of Thy spirit- 
ual gift descends upon them ? ' 

The Lord. " Let them gaze upon 
my Cross, then shall they understand 
me." 

The Soul. " Verily, Lord, if we 
think upon Thy Cross, and upon the 
sufferings which Thou tookest upon 
Thee, our hearts must be filled with 
a sense of Thy love. We can see also 
that Thou dost not always show this 
love by granting earthly treasures which 
might be hurtful to us. But often the 
heart longs for spiritual comforts, and 



HIDING OF THE LORD'S FACE. 19 

yet is not refreshed. It is often dis- 
quieted by unworldly cares, concerning 
the soul, and must wait in darkness 
for years, without being cheered by 
one ray of hope. How does this ac- 
cord with Thy love, O Lord ! ' 

The Lord. " It does accord with 
it. Because I love my own I cannot 
do otherwise. I withdraw from them 
spiritual refreshment, which might be 
injurious to them." 

The Soul. " Spiritual refreshment, 
Lord, and yet hurtful; how can that 
be possible ? " 

The Lord. " When John and James 
desired to draw down fire upon the 
Samaritan village, they were under 
such excitement that they forgot of 
what Spirit they were children. When 
Peter assured me that he would go 
with me even to death, there was real 
emotion in his heart — but, soon after, 
he denied me." 

The Soul. " So in this life of temp- 



20 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

tation, even holy enthusiasm may be- 
come a snare, and the safest condition 
may be dryness and barrenness of 
spirit." 

The Lord. " Even so." 

The Soul. " But if we ask not for 
enthusiasm, but for one small drop of 
refreshment in the time of distress, one 
ray of hope in the dark night of sorrow, 
couldst Thou not always grant that ? ' 

The Lord. " I will ask thee some- 
thing. Which of these two is the most 
worthy : he who looks to me for the 
consolation, of which having received, 
he hopes still to receive ; or he who 
perseveres in seeking me for years 
without receiving consolation ? : 

The Soul. " The latter, doubtless.' 5 

The Lord. " I must try in the fire 
those that are mine, that they may be 
perfect. My heart is often ready to 
break, seeing their spiritual poverty, 
but I keep back the gifts I would gladly 
grant them, because they would harm 



HIDING OF THE LOED'S FACE. 21 

them, or because their absence is more 
useful to them than their possession 
would be." 

The Soul. " Then Thou art often 
different from what we are allowed to 
see Thee to be ? " 

The Lord. " Yes, and in my so- 
journ on earth, thou canst find many 
examples of it." 

The Soul. " Yes, Lord, I remember 
how Thou didst come to Emmaus with 
the two disciples. Thou didst make 
as if Thou w^ouldst go farther, as Thy 
Word tells us. It was Thy purpose to 
remain, but Thou wouldst be bidden to 
do so. When the Canaanitish woman 
followed Thee with cries and prayers, 
Thou didst show Thyself strange, almost 
hard unto her, but it was onlv that she 
might be the more exalted. Toward 
Thine own mother Thou didst show 
but little outward tenderness, hiding 
Thy love, whilst Thou saidst, ' Woman, 
what have I to do with thee ? ' We 



22 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

may then venture to think that Thou 
dost still hide Thyself at times. Thy 
disguisements are very different from 
those of men. Men conceal the evil 
and show the good. But Thou con- 
cealest the best, Thy love, and showest 
to us only what seems a lesser good, 
though all is equally good in Thy sight. 
May we say this, O Lord, and may I, 
when I find Thee deaf to my prayers, 
and chary of Thy favors, may I say to 
myself that Thou dost still heartily 
love me, and that this is but the hiding 
of Thy face ? " 

The Lord. " Thou mayest.' ! 

The Soul. " Wilt Thou never cease 
to hide Thy face ? " 

The Lord. " Yes, in heaven ; there I 
will hide myself no more, but will ap- 
pear unto thee and to all the saints, as 
I am." 



CHAPTER IV. 



ANXIETY FOR FRIENDS. 

" My times are in Thy hand 

My God, I 'd have them there; 
My life, my friends, my soul, I leave 
Entirely to Thy care." 

T^HE Soul. "OLord! I receive great 
■*" comfort from Thy bleeding death 
upon the Cross, and from the promises 
of Thy Word, when I am assailed by 
the ordinary cares of life ; but I have 
not found definite words of consolation 
for all the troubles which at times tor- 
ment me. 

" Thou hast given me peace as to my 
own salvation by saying that Thou wilt 
reject none who come to Thee ; and as 
I know that I have come to Thee, and 
entered Thy service in faith, I can feel 
sure that Thou wilt not cast me out 
But Thou who hast commanded me to 



24 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

love my neighbor as myself, dost surely 
intend that I should care for his soul ; 
and if I see my neighbor neither caring 
for Thee nor for the way of salvation, 
but walking in the broad road which 
leadeth to destruction, where do I find 
a single word of Thine, which I can 
take to soothe my anxiety ? Who can 
tell me whether a moment will come in 
his whole life or even in his death, 
when he will be awakened to seek 
Thee ? Do I know whether he will 
accept or reject Thy help ; whether 
Thou will wish to constrain him ; 
whether he will let himself be con- 
strained by Thy love ! Often have 1 
pondered in sadness over the dark rid- 
dle of man's final destiny ; it is impos- 
sible to say how much it is influenced 
by the direct grace of God, and how 
much through the agency of man. 

" I will suppose that a friend, for 
whose soul I have been anxious during 
his life, has died without giving, to my 



ANXIETY FOR FRIENDS. 25 

knowledge, any distinct sign of conver- 
sion. May I think of him as belonging 
to Thy chosen people whom Thou hast 
delivered from darkness, or must I leave 
the matter doubtful? If I feel that 
there is no answer to my doubts, how 
can I, loving this departed friend, ever 
be happy ? " 

The Lord. " I have given thee in 
my Word all that is necessary for 
thy salvation. I never intended to 
change thy faith into sight, and raise 
thee above all conflicts of mind. Still 
if thou art strong in faith, and wilt 
fight bravely, thou shalt conquer all 
care." 

The Soul. " And how can I conquer 
this anxiety for the salvation of those 
who are dear to me, and do not care 
for it themselves ? " 

The Lord. " Thou shalt recall the 
words of my apostle James : ' Casting 
all your care upon Him.' I have said 
to thee by his mouth * all your cares ; ' 



26 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

how could I have excepted just the one 
which I knew would press most heavily* 
upon thee ? " 

The Soul. " Thou puttest my faith 
to a hard proof, dear Lord ! Give me 
grace to stand.' 1 

The Lord. " When that father 
brought to me his lunatic son, I did not 
ask the child if he could believe, for it 
would have been vain to speak to him 
of faith. I said to the father — ' If 
thou canst believe.' " 

The Soul. " Dost Thou mean that 
the faith of one can help another to be 
saved ? " 

The Lord. " Why not, if he prays 
in faith ? have I not promised to hear 
every prayer in my name ? surely this 
also ! " 

The Soul. " Then I may feel at rest 
while my friend lives. But if he dies, 
and I know nothing certainly about 
his conversion, or whither he is gone, 
and so stand by his corpse and gaze 



ANXIETY FOR FRIENDS. 27 

into the depths of Thy righteousness, 
with the darkness of Thy counsels, O 
Lord ! Lord ! " 

The Lord. " And wilt thou not gaze 
into another depth which is still deeper, 
— the depth of my love ? Dost thou 
think that thou lovedst the departed 
more than I? Know then, that thy 
love toward him is nothing compared 
with mine ? Moreover, mv love is 
omnipotent. If I delay the regenera- 
tion of a soul, I have not, therefore, 
given it up. What I did not for him 
in his lifetime I am able to do in the 
hour of death. Only believe firmly 
in me, and thou shalt conquer this re- 
maining care." 




^wiiiiiiiiiiaiiiiiiiiiii 



CHAPTER V. 

ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF A FRIEND'S 

DEATH. 

" Haste thee on from grave to glory, 

Arm'd with faith, and wing'd with prayer. — 

An eternal day before thee 

Waits for God to guide thee there." 

Grant. 

THE Lord. " Whence comest 
thou ? " 

The Soul. " Thou knowest : I come 
from that grave." 

The Lord. " Whom didst thou find 
there ? " 

The Soul. " Him for whom I 
mourn." 

Tlie Lord. " But he is with me in 
heaven." 

The Soul. " And yet I found him 
there, for he is with Thee and I found 
Thee there." 



ON A friend's death. 29 

The Lord. " Wherefore didst thou 
think that I was there ? " 

The Soul. " Because Thou art every- 
where ; because Thou wast at the 
grave of Thy friend Lazarus ; because 
Thou hast lain in the grave Thyself; 
because Thou lovest graves." 

The Lord. " And didst thou weep ? ' 

The Soul. " Thou, Thvself, didst 
weep when Thou wast here upon 
earth." 

The Lord. " And didst thou weep 
only ? " 

The Soid. " I rejoiced also.' ! 

The Lord. " Wherefore ? " 

The Soul. " Because Thou wast 
there, and Thou art the Resurrection 
and the Life." 

The Lord. " Didst thou think upon 
thine own death ? " 

The Soul. " How could I but think 
of it ? Near the grave, a vacant place 
waits for me. I never see that grave, 
without thinking that I am to be buried 
close bv it." 



30 HOURS -WITH THE LORD. 

The Lord. " Thou hast thought of 
dying one day ; hast thoif not also re- 
membered that thou oughtest to be 
dead already ? " 

The Soul. " How meanest thou ? 
I still live." 

The Lord. " I mean that even here 
upon earth thou must die to the world.'' 

The Soul. " Alas, Lord! I had not 
that thought, although it is the most 
important of all. Oh teach me to die 
to the world, that I may live to Thee." 




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CHAPTER VI. 

SLEEPLESSNESS. 

" O blessed are the eyes that see, 

Though silent anguish show 
The love that in their hours of sleep 

Unthanked may come and go. 
And blessed are the ears that hear, 

Though kept awake by woe." 

Miss Waking. 

rpHE Soul. " It is far into the night, 
■*" and sleep flees from me, — sleep 
which seems indispensable to strengthen 
me for the morrow's work. Oh, that 
it would fold me in its soft, refreshing 
embrace, and give me a few hours of 
rest." 

The Lord. " Canst thou not watch 
with me one hour ? " 

The Soul " I thank Thee, O Lord, 
for Thy gentle reminder ; and I am 
ashamed. We can always watch for 



32 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

our pleasures or business, and yet it 
seems a hardship to watch with Thee, 
who dost alwavs watch for us, and 
com est in the night hours to commune 
with us ! I will not be so ungrateful. 
I will watch, and with Thee. I will 
commune with Thee, since Thou art 
here. 

" One occupation succeeds another 
during the day, and we greet Thee 
hastily, as a friend whom we pass in the 
street. If friends wish to pour out 
their hearts to each other without re- 
serve, what hours can they choose bet- 
ter than those of the night. So I will 
watch with Thee, Lord, although no 
anxious cares disturb my mind, no 
disease racks my limbs. I will delight 
in talking with Thee, as others maj^ be 
doing at this very moment, less quietly 
and happily. 

" These hours of the night are very 
trying to the sick, when the light is 
biirning dimly. The nearest friends 



SLEEPLESSNESS. 33 

have retired, leaving only the hired at- 
tendant, who perhaps falls asleep too, 
leaving them alone "with their suffering 
and with Thee, while I am so quiet 
and comfortable. 

" Thou who comest to me while I am 
well, wilt not forget Thy dear sick 
saints. Thou wilt be nearer to them 
than to me. Thou wilt send Thine 
angels to them. 

" Those dear ministering spirits who 
are sent out to minister unto such as 
shall be heirs of salvation, how much 
they have to do around sick-beds in 
the night hours ! 

" Ought I to leave to them this min- 
istry and not add mine by praying for 
the sick whom I know ? O Lord, wilt 
Thou hear the prayers of Thine un- 
worthy servant, and give unto all whom 
I name to Thee peace of mind, relief 
from pain, and a few hours of refresh- 
ing sleep ! 

" Grant this, not only to the sick but 



34 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

also to the dying. Somewhere upon 
earth a soul is released from its body 
in every second of time. How many 
may have died since I began to talk 
with Thee ! — even now one is dying. 
O Lord, Thou who art the Judge of 
the world, have mercy upon it and 
receive it into Thy glory ! 

" So shall I also lie, at some hour of 
night or day known only to Thee, at 
the gate of death. But Thou, O Lord, 
wilt be with me as Thou art now, only 
more perceptibly, more effectually — 
with greater treasures of comfort. Thou 
wilt not think upon my sins then, but 
of the moment which is as precious to 
Thee as to me, when Thou didst die 
for those sins. Thou wilt show them 
to me, but only to assure me that Thou 
hast blotted them out ; and then, O 
merciful Saviour, full of everlasting 
compassion, Thou wilt receive my spirit 
into the kingdom of eternal joy. 

" Often have I felt Thy presence 



SLEEPLESSNESS. 35 

comforting me in times of bitter anguish. 
Thou knowest all that I felt, and how 
my peculiar trial brought in its train all 
the sufferings which can attack the hu- 
man breast. What would have become 
of me then, but for Thee ! Thou wast 
with me ; Thou didst lovingly support 
my soul. When I think of those days, 
I weep, not so much at the recollection 
of my sufferings, as with gratitude for 
thy tender mercy and faithfulness. 

" As I consider Thy loving-kindness 
from my very infancy, my thoughts 
become songs of praise, for Thou hast 
known me to be very weak, and hast 
always shown me especial pity and for- 
bearance. When I sinned Thou didst 
punish me, but the punishment was al- 
ways a gentle though grave reminder ; 
the bruised reed was never broken, nor 
the smoking flax quenched. Often I 
was distracted with cares ; Thou didst 
let them remain for a while that they 
might bring me to Thee and exercise 



36 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

me in prayer ; but many a time when 
I lay down to sleep in anxiety the good 
news knocked at my window early in 
the morning, and awaked me to thanks- 
givings. If I kept close to Thee with 
a true and constant heart, and sought 
Thee with single-minded perseverance, 
I received favor after favor. Impossi- 
ble as it would be for me to forget this, 
I feel sure that Thou wilt bear me in 
Thine arms even to the end of life, and 
after giving me so much here wilt give 
me still more in heaven. 

" And now, O Lord, Thou knowest 
all my duties of the morrow ; Thou 
knowest also the measure of strength 
which I need to fulfil them, and Thou 
wilt strengthen me sufficiently by sleep. 
Yes, Thou dost take me in Thine arms, 
a cool breath from Thy Paradise is 
wafted to me, all thought resolves itself 
into a sweet sense of Thy love and 
mercy. I sleep." 








CHAPTER VII. 



BODILY PAIN. 

" No suffering, wTiile it lasts, is joy 
How blest so e'er it be, 
Yet may the chastened child be glad 

His Father's face to see; 
And oh. it is not hard to bear 
What must be borne in Thee." 

Miss Waking. 

I. 

WHY should mental suffering look 
with scorn upon physical pain as 
if this were such a common evil as to 
be unaccompanied by spiritual bless- 
ings ? 

It is indeed a call to deeper spirit- 
uality when the heart is broken by the 
loss of wife or children, but do we not 
hear the voice of a chastening Father, 
when the flesh is pierced with the ar- 
rows of pain, urging us to cling more 
closely to Him ? 



38 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

Physical pain is like a beast of prey- 
falling suddenly upon man, driving its 
teeth into his flesh and breaking all his 
bones. It is like successive blows of 
an iron rod dealt by a powerful hand 
until the body bows and trembles ; it 
is like a quiver full of fiery darts shoot- 
ing through the limbs. As Jacob, 
when wounded in the thigh, in his night 
of wrestling, clung to his opponent, so 
hangs the sick man helpless upon the 
neck of his nurse. Then come moments 
when all sense and thought, all the light 
of the spirit, are extinguished in the 
night of exhaustion. 

He w r ho suffers in the body is re- 
minded of Thy Cross, O Lord ! on 
which Thou didst endure the most se- 
vere pains, both of soul and body ; ho 
is initiated into Thy sufferings ; he feels 
that his are like them, and while he 
realizes the infinite difference of degree 
in his agony, he knows it to be the same 
essentially. 



BODILY PAIN. 39 

Alas, how pain must have spread 
over Thy whole body, proceeding from 
each of Thy wounds ; and since Thou 
wert upheld by those wounded hands 
and feet, how it must have raged in 
Thy limbs, at Thy slightest movement, 
" breaking all Thy bones ! " 

Wert Thou not tormented with 
thirst, that torture of all who are 
racked with physical pain ! Didst Thou 
not sink swooning into the hand of 
Thv Father, to whom Thou didst com- 
mend Thy Spirit ? 

As the Cross itself is fashioned after 
the human form, so all pains to which 
man is subject may be included in those 
which Thou didst bear upon the Cross. 
Thus Thou hast sanctified them, by 
bearing them all. 

n. 

Well for him whom the Lord lays 
upon the bed of sickness, if he has a 
conscience at rest, and a heart at peace ; 



40 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

if he is not tormented with the sins of 
his youth nor the misdeeds of later years, 
nor with the passions, whose strength 
is so great that it cannot be broken by 
sickness and death ! For sickness is a 
severe trial, and how much heavier it 
is if a sick man has an unreconciled 
conscience ! 

If sickness is not unto death, yet it 
is of death ; it arises from the one great 
source of human misery, which also 
will bring about the destruction of the 
body. Surely it has a connection with 
particular sins of commission, which 
were formerly unsuspected but have 
suddenly come to light. 

Pain has a reminding power ; when 
one suffers one is forced to look into 
the past. The spirit searches into the 
reason of its being made to suffer this 
pain, and is not content until it can say, 
— Thou sufferest it because thou hast 
sinned. 

Because thou hast sinned! What 



BODILY PAIN. 41 

pain is there which these words do not 
explain, and how can any be explained 
without them ? 

And what if the assembled misdeeds 
of a lifetime break forth as through 
newly opened water-gates, threatening 
to overwhelm the sick man w r ith their 
flood, if he is drawn in and cast out 
again,'first by their whirlpools and then 
by those of pain ! And if the last of 
these waves cast him into the ocean of 
eternity ! 

Who would wish to be overwhelmed 
in sickness and in death ? Whoso- 
ever would not be thus engulfed, let 
him believe in Christ. 

I believe, O Lord, that Thou, by 
Thine agony of soul and body on the 
Cross, hast borne all my stripes ; that 
the past cannot injure me, even if it 
rings with cries of accusation ; and that 
my future holds those unutterable treas- 
ures of happiness which Thou hast won 
and laid up for me. 



42 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

1 may perhaps suffer much, and even 
groan aloud, when pain seizes me with 
all its power, yet in its intervals my 
heart is quiet and cheerful. I can pray, 
praise, and magnify God, as Paul and 
Silas praised and glorified God at mid- 
night, although bruised with stripes, 
and with their feet set in the stocks, in 
the inner prison at Philippi. 



in. 

If we had no pain to bear, only wea- 
riness, and could sleep occasionally, 
waiting in an easy inactivity for ill- 
ness to pass, and full health to return, 
patience would not be so hard a task. 

But it is difficult to practise patience 
when tempted to spring and flee from 
the pain which stings so fiercely, and at 
the same time forces one to lie still and 
bear it. Those impracticable wishes 
and struggles rouse all the principles of 
life into rebellion ; the restraint is so 



BODILY PAIN. 43 

galling to the flesh, that the spirit mur- 
murs and offends God by closing its 
eyes to His abundant mercy. 

So did the malefactor on the Cross, 
at Thy left hand, O Lord, try to wrench 
the nails in the madness of his pain, 
but could only give himself the more 
agony. 

But Thou, O Lord, didst hang 
patiently, not resisting the nails which 
held Thee, in the most painful of all 
attitudes. 

Yet Thou wast not held by the nails ; 
for at Thy slightest wish the nails would 
have dropped from Thy limbs. Thy 
wounds would have been healed, and 
the earth would have spread for Thee 
a couch of herbs and flowers. 

Thy great love to Thy Heavenly 
Father and to us miserable men ; that 
love which knew no other will than 
Thy Father's, which was that we might 
be saved ; that love was the source of 
all Thy patience ; that was the nail 



44 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

which held Thee to the Cross, else all 
the gates of hell could not have brought 
Thee to it nor held Thee there. 

I lie as upon thorns which wound 
me, whose sting I press deeper into my 
flesh at every motion. But I lie here 
according to Thy will, the will of Him 
who loves me, and who died for me. 
Shall I not love Him and His will ? 
Shall I not lie still even if I quiver 
with pain ? I will ; O Lord, give me 
grace to be patient. 

" Give me a calm and thankful heart, 
From every murmur free, 
The blessings of Thy grace impart, 
And make me live to Thee." 

IV. 

Wilt thou still be so heavy, O my 
heart ! It is easier for a man to be sad 
than thankful. But thank the Lord 
out of the depths, praise Him for His 
mercy, for through the mercy which He 
has shown me in this illness, it has be- 



BODILY PAIN. 45 

come one of the sweetest periods of my 
life. 

While I lay tortured with pain, and 
deprived of all bodily strength, Thou, 
O Lord, hast vouchsafed me Thy pres- 
ence in a wonderful way. Thought 
and feeling were not paralyzed, but 
rose to Thee in prayer. 

I called upon Thee from necessity, 
and also from love, for had I not loved 
Thee a little, even necessity would not 
have enabled me to persevere in prayer. 

Thou didst enable me to speak to 
Thee with confidence, and to utter 
those trifles which one might fear to 
tell to a man. 

Innumerable petitions have I ad- 
dressed to Thee ; and incredible as it 
seems, I testify before Thy face that 
every one of them has been heard, and 
without exception has been granted 
me. 

I suffered, and was hindered in re- 
covery, only when I did not recollect 



46 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

to call upon Thee for guidance and as- 
sistance. 

When I prayed fervently to Thee 
to make the difficult easy, the impos- 
sible possible, to arrest some almost in- 
evitable catastrophe which would have 
renewed or aggravated my painful 
symptoms, to grant me as much re- 
freshment, rest and sleep as I needed, 
Thou didst answer each time, — almost 
while I was speaking, Thou didst an- 
swer my prayer. 

Art Thou a God who art afar off? 
Truly Thou art a God very near and 
very gracious. I could weep to think 
that Thou didst come from heaven to 
suffer agony for us, and if one of us 
lies ill, Thou comest to him, hearest all 
his sighs, and fulfillest all his petitions, 
changing his thorns into roses. 

I have experienced Thy goodness, 
and I will acknowledge it, that so I 
may add one note to the song of praise 
which rings through the ages so power- 



BODILY PAIN. 47 

fully and yet so little understood. " The 
Lord is nigh unto all who call upon 
Him in truth. He will fulfil the de- 
sire of them that fear Him ; He also 
will hear their cry and will save them ! " 

Thus have we drawn nigh to one 
another, O Lord, during this illness ; 
may health, if Thou restore it, never 
separate us ! 

Oh that all my experiences of Thy 
love might ever float upon the stream 
of memory as fresh and loving as I see 
them now ; and that they might return 
more vividly in my last sickness ! 

Thou who gavest me life, how often 
hast Thou given it to me anew ! Now 
I receive it as a gift from Thy hands ! 
To Thee be it consecrated ! Amen. 




iilllliliiliii^liiii _ 






CHAPTER VIII. 

ANXIETY IN VIEW OF DEATH. 

" I fear no foe with Thee at hand to bless ; 

Ills have no weight and fears no bitterness. 

Where is Death's sting ? Where, Grave, thy victory ? 

I triumph still if Thou abide with me. 

Hold, then, Thy Cross before my closing eyes : 

Shine through the gloom, and point me to the skies : 

Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows 

flee. 
In life, in death, Lord, abide with me." 

Lyte. 

f\ LORD, why is it that when I 
^ think of death, — which in all hu- 
man probability cannot be very far from 
me, — that the thought fills me with less 
of joy than of something like distress ? 
It is not that I am overwhelmed by 
the sins of my past life, and the fear that 
I must in consequence of them suffer 
dreadful punishment with the lost. I 
praise Thee, Lord, that Thou didst 



ANXIETY IN VIEW OF DEATH. 49 

once inspire in me this fear, and that 
Thou hast delivered me from it forever, 
through faith in Thy merits. Yes, 
Lord, my faith is strong ; I know that 
I deserve pain and torment, but I 
know also that Thou hast suffered them 
for me ; — I do not fear the judgment. 

What is it, then, that I fear? Ah, 
Lord, when slavish fear vanishes, the 
anxiety of love takes its place. Thou, 
who didst give Thyself to death for 
me, hast also laid upon me dear and 
sacred obligations. Thou hast opened 
to me a sphere of service, appointing 
me a place wherein to work for Thy 
glory and for the good of my brethren. 
Soon, Lord, will my working-day be 
over ; and I ask myself whether Thou 
wilt be satisfied with my work ; whether 
Thou wilt pronounce me a faithful ser- 
vant. 

How shall I measure my faithful- 
ness ? According to the numerous op- 
portunities of usefulness afforded me, or 



50 HOUES WITH THE LORD. 

according to my limited powers ? What 
I have accomplished is very little, but 
looking back upon my inward struggles, 
and the work, which in spite of my 
weakness has come upon me in an ex- 
traordinary measure, I could feel that 
though it is not much, yet it amounts to 
something. But am I sure that I have 
done all that I could ? Am I sure that 
with a firmer will, a more joyful confi- 
dence, I could not have broken the 
limits of my inability, and accomplished 
what seemed impossible? No, I am 
not ; and because I do not know whether 
I have used every moment, since my 
life was consecrated to Thee, according 
to Thy will, I cannot but fear the 
moment of death. 

Yet I will not fear it. I will silence 
fear with humility, and with a firm, 
joyful resolve. Thouknowest, O Lord, 
and I know, that I am the least of Thy 
servants, the least in all Thy kingdom. 
There is not one of Thy people to whom 



ANXIETY IN VIEW OP DEATH. 51 

I prefer myself, not one below whom 
I would not be willing to stand. With 
high - mindedness comes anxiety, but 
with humility comes peace. But mine 
shall be no false humility which only 
seeks to escape work by taking a lowly 
place. No, it shall be coupled with a 
firm, joyful resolve, which Thou dost 
give me, with a more strenuous activity 
than ever before. If these moments 
are few, I would yet be faithful in those 
few ; and if much in my life displeases 
Thee, oh, may my last days please 
Thee! 

What else do I fear when I think of 
death? Is it the loss of the earthly 
gifts which Thou hast bestowed on me ? 
It is not just that, but something like it. 
There are minds — shall I call them 
earthly, or weak, or tender — which 
cling so closely to the places, the circum- 
stances, the relations in which they 
were happy, even if only for a short 
time, that they cannot be separated 



52 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

from them without pain. Such a mind 
is mine, Lord ; such attractions has 
earth for me ; and when I think of 
leaving them soon, my weak heart is 
full of sorrow. 

But I confess to Thee, Lord, that 
though my heart has so easily received 
impressions, the impress of Thy love is 
the deepest. Loving many things here, 
I love Thee most. I have often felt it, 
and I shall feel it still more when Thou 
callest me to leave all and follow Thee. 
If I cast one tearful glance upon earth, 
Thou wilt pardon my weakness. Then 
will I follow Thee joyfully, not of ne- 
cessity. 

Is there nothing kept back ; have I 
told Thee all that troubles me ? There 
is one thing more — the agony which 
precedes death. It little befits me to 
ask Thee, who hast endured the pains 
of the Cross ; but how shall I, who 
have often been cowardly about slight 
physical suffering, be able to endure the 



ANXIETY IN VIEW OF DEATH. 53 

sharper pains which may then be ap- 
pointed to me ? 

" Take no thought for the morrow, 
for the morrow shall take thought for 
itself. Sufficient unto the day is the 
evil thereof." 

I thank Thee for Thy seasonable re- 
minder. I was just giving way to a 
fault which I know to be one of mine, 
and which I have often tried to avoid, 
imagining future trials, and questioning 
if I shall have strength to bear them. 
It is folly, for perhaps the trial will 
never come ; perhaps Thou hast ap- 
pointed me a painless death. Perhaps 
it will seem very different from my an- 
ticipation, so that I shall be surprised 
that it is so easy to bear. And Thou, 
Lord, who sendest trials, dost also so 
speedily end them, that we are able to 
bear them : especially if we ask Thee 
with quiet confidence, instead of tortur- 
ing ourselves with evil forebodings. 

Where is now my uneasiness at the 



54 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

idea of death ? It is gone. The heavi- 
est burden becomes light, when we tell 
Thee of it. Should we not always be 
glad to tell Thee our troubles ? I 
thank Thee, O Lord, that Thou hast 
once more lovingly comforted me. 




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CHAPTER IX. 

DISTRESS OF MIND. 

" Break through the brambles and briers that ob- 
struct thee ; 

Dread not the gloom and the blackness of night ; 
Lean on the hand that will safelv conduct thee ; 

Trust to His eye to whom darkness is light. 

" Earthliness, coldness, unthankful behavior, 
Ah ! thou may'st sorrow, but do not despair, — 

Even this grief thou may'st bring to the Saviour, 
Cast upon Him, e'en, this burden and care." 

Anon. 

f\ LORD, to whom should I go but 
^ to Thee ? Thou alone hast the 
words of eternal life. Even now I 
ask from Thy gracious lips a word of 
life to heal my soul, for it is restless 
and afraid. 

And w r herefore is it so with me ? 
What has filled my mind with this dis- 
quietude ? Is any one, dear to me, in 
danger of losing life and happiness ? 



56 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

Have I any great evil to fear for myself? 
No, dear Lord, it is a trifling circum- 
stance, which admits of many favorable 
interpretations, but which perplexes 
me much. I know that this cloud will 
disperse, like many another which has 
filled me with similar anxieties, but 
meanwhile, I will turn unto Thee, and 
complain that my heart yields so easily 
to the first breath of temptation, instead 
of resting securely in Thy hands. 

Alas, Lord, Thou knowest, that of the 
many sufferings to which we have be- 
come subject through our sins, distress 
of mind is one of the worst. In former 
days, when I was a stranger to Thee, 
how it surged and raged within me 
like an angry sea ! Even now, that I 
have been awakened to believe in Thee 
and to love Thee, I have not yet at- 
tained to freedom from this torment. 

Even so, Lord, if the storm drives 
me on toward Thee. When I am 
safe with Thee in heaven, this will 



DISTRESS OF MIND. 57 

be no more. Then shall I hear from 
Thy mouth, " Enter thou into the joy 
of thy Lord ! ' I shall enter in, and 
this joy will not be clouded like the 
joys of earth, with the fear of change, 
but will bring with it the assurance of 
its continuance. There, too, I shall see 
the fate of my dear ones, sure, through 
Thy mercy, for time and for eternity. 
None whom I love will be far from 
me, so that I need say, What is he 
doing, how does he prosper ; what 
news shall I have of him ? I shall see 
them all near me, even if they dwell 
upon earth, for my eyes will then be 
opened. I shall see how they are led 
by Thine hand, and how, by that 
gracious hand, the injuries which their 
trials and even their errors might bring 
upon them are averted. 

But here in this poor transitory life, 
I am still far from this rest of soul ; I 
am kept out of it chiefly by sin. Oh, 
if I were sure that I had never offended 



58 HOURS WITH THE LOKD. 

Thee, sure that I should not offend 
Thee again so often, true peace would 
take up its abode in my heart ; but the 
consciousness of my early, my later, 
and my continuing train of transgres- 
sions, deprives me of this blessed guest. 

I am not without sin, yet I am deeply 
penitent. The confession of my sins 
will give me the peace which I cannot 
have from a sense of innocence. Yes, 
Lord, there is a way of attaining peace 
through Thy grace, by bewailing our 
sins before Thee. I do now mourn 
afresh those sins which I have so often 
mourned ; and while I confess that I 
am unworthy of Thy love and favor, I 
feel a returning hope that Thou wilt 
grant them to me. 

Now I commend to Thy care my 
own troubles, as well as the souls and 
the trials of those whom I love. In 
former times I have asked for them 
many unnecessary blessings. Now 1 
ask only one thing, — their eternal wel- 
fare. 



DISTRESS OF MIND. 59 

I am certain that Thou dost always 
grant this prayer, and that Thou wilt 
now grant it, and in it every thing is 
included. 

Yes, Lord, I commit myself, my heart, 
and all to which it clings into Thy true, 
Thy loving, Thy Almighty hand. And 
now that I have given up all to Thee, 
let whatever Thou wilt occur, I can 
quietly await it, for it will be good. 
Amen. 




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CHAPTER X. 

SPIRITUAL JOY. 

" And love shall teach us, while on Him we lean, 
That in the certainty of coming bliss 
We may be yearning for a world unseen, 
Yet wear our beautiful array in this." 

Miss Waring. 

T>EHOLD the stillness of the lake : 
a light breeze ripples its surface, 
and the sunbeams from cloudless heav- 
ens penetrate its clear depths. 

Tranquil as this lake is my soul, 
gentle as the waves are its emotions, 
for the sun of joy is searching its inmost 
depths. 

No incidental circumstance has 
brought this sudden and mighty tide 
of joy into my heart, but because it 
comes from nothing without, but from 
Thee alone, O Lord, and from Thy 
grace-giving presence, so much the 
brighter is the joy. 



SPIRITUAL JOY. 61 

Oh, that I could tell Thee how in- 
finitely rich, how blessed Thou hast 
made me all at once ! 

In this overflowing abundance of 
spiritual blessing, all worldly wishes, 
which I should otherwise cherish, have 
disappeared. If I must choose, I would 
prefer the mean things of earth to its 
glory ; for worldly glory is so opposed 
to Thee, that I could serve Thee more 
safely and freely in a low estate. 

How often do we see a cloud inter- 
posed between the sun and the earth, 
which it lights and beautifies, so that 
we see a dark gloomy shadow drawn 
over the lately brilliant streams and 
meadows. 

Will thy beams, O my Sun, which 
now irradiate my soul, be also soon 
obscured by such a dark cloud veiling 
me with the gloom of former days ? 

Tlie Lord. " How can the friends 
of the bridegroom mourn while the 
bridegroom is with them? But the 



62 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

daj^s will come when the bridegroom is 
taken from them ; then shall they fast 
and mourn." 

Truly how can they mourn ? Would 
they not grieve Him by so doing ? 
Does it not beseem them to use the 
time of the divine visitation according; 
to the meaning of Him who so gra- 
ciously comes to thee ? Be thou zeal- 
ous in prayer, O my soul, using these 
wings, which the Lord lendeth thee, to 
soar continually before His face. 

O Word of God, open to me thy 
golden mines. The eternal Word of 
God is by my side, and He will reveal 
them to me. 

Is there a sufferer to comfort, a poor 
man to care for ; is there any hard 
yet necessary work to be done for the 
Lord? Up, quickly, O my soul, now 
that thou hast the power and the will 
to work ; to-morrow both may have 
vanished. 

Vanished ! Alas, what a sad word, 



SPIRITUAL JOY. 



63 



my Lord ! Thou gone and I alone 



again I 



Tlie Lord. "Does the sun depart 
because a cloud — a cloud conceals it ? 
My glory may indeed leave thee, but I 
never leave thee." 




CHAPTER XI. 



GOOD FRIDAY EVENING. 



" Victorious sign ! 
That now dost shine, 
Transcribed above, 
Into the land of light and love! 
Oh, let us twine 
Our roots with Thine, 
That we may rise 
Upon Thy wings and reach the skies ! " 

R. Crash aw. 

HPHE Soul. " It was not enough for 
**" Thee, mv Lord, to watch over us and 
direct our ways from on high ; to send 
us rain and sunshine, and to adorn our 
lives with many gifts which bring us 
joy. Thou didst choose to share the 
bitterness of our lot, which we deserved, 
— the pains of temporal and eternal 
death, — in order to free us from the 
latter. And Thou hast given to us 
Thy body and Thy blood for our spirit- 



GOOD FRIDAY EVENING. 65 

ual sustenance, so that the least among 
Christians can receive the fulness of 
Christ, and are thus more highly fa- 
vored than the holy angels. 

" This love which led Thee not onlv 
to shower gifts upon Thy beloved ones, 
but also constrained Thee tp enter into 
fellowship with their bitter shame and 
sorrow ; this love which Thou, the 
eternal Son of God, the Creator and 
Ruler of the world, hast felt for us, 
miserable sinners, who lay prostrate in 
the dust ; this love, when I try to con- 
sider it, looms up before me like an 
immense structure, whose height and 
depth my eyes cannot compass ; and 
while Thy might has no limits, Thy 
wisdom no bounds, yet Thy love seems 
to me still more unfathomable.' 1 

The Lord. " Simon, son of Jona, 
lovest thou me ? " 

The Soul. " When I have praised 
Thy love, O Lord, dost Thou question 
my love to Thee ? Must I turn from 



66 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

Thee to me ; from the infinite to the 
finite, from the Lord to poor sinning 
man ? Wherefore dost Thou desire it ? 
When I contemplate Thee, I cannot 
notice any thing else, least of all my- 
self." 

The Lord. " Simon, son of Jona, 
lovest thou me ? " 

The Soul. " Dost Thou ask me 
again, O Lord ? Must I straightway 
answer Thee ? Why may I not leave 
the question unanswered ? The child 
rests on the lap of its mother ; it sleeps 
on her breast, it throws itself into her 
arms when it is frightened. But 
whether it loves its mother it neither 
asks itself, nor is asked. Let me be 
such a child, and ask me not." 

The Lord. " Simon, son of Jona, 
lovest thou me? " 

The Soul. " Lord, Thou knowest all 
things. I answer Thee as Peter did. 
Thou dost ask me something which I 
would fain ask Thee. I would ask 



GOOD FRIDAY EVENING. 6T 

Thee if I love Thee, for Thou must 
know whether Thou lovest Thyself 
in me. I, myself, cannot know. 

" All that I do know I will tell Thee. 
I know that it is my highest aim, that I 
should consider myself immeasurably 
happy, to love Thee as Thou art worthy 
of being loved. I know that I envy 
those who feel the flame of this love 
here on earth, to whom it has become 
the life of their life, who act only from 
its impulses, and consume themselves 
in its sacred fire. I know that I have 
the will to love Thee. I know also 
that in heaven, and in earth, in the 
whole universe, there is but one aim 
towards which I press ; only one whom 
I seek, and Thou art that One. It is 
Thou, Jesus of Nazareth, born in 
Bethlehem, who didst suffer under 
Pontius Pilate, who wast crucified, 
and on the Cross didst break out in 
these words, 4 Father, forgive them, for 
they know not what they do ! ' That 



68 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

sentence breathes of Thee alone, and 
by it Thou art plainly known. Thee 
will I seek, by Thy grace helping me, 
and none other w r ill I seek. If any 
change comes over my life, I will ever 
try it with the following queries*: — 

" ' What art thou ? Where shall I 
find myself, if I follow thy lead ! ! If 
I am placed in new relations towards 
men, I will say, ; Seek ye the Lord, 
else I cannot go with you.' When 
Death calls me, I will reply, c I follow 
thee gladly, for thou bringest me to 
Christ.' 

" I long also that all whom I love 
should come to Thee. I have not dared 
to say that I love Thee, but perhaps I 
may say that I love them, for I wish 
them Thy salvation. O thou dear heart 
of my Redeemer, which wast pierced 
for my sins, be open to my prayer, and 
through Thy mighty power cause all 
whom I name to Thee to seek Thee 
with ceaseless zeal and inviolable fidel- 



GOOD FRIDAY EVENING. 69 

ity ! And then, let us all find Thee. 
Let us one day behold the face of our 
Redeemer, and kiss the feet which were 
nailed to the Cross for us. This is now 
my only request. Once I cherished so 
many wishes ; now that they have 
vanished, oh, may they never return ! 
Even pious men find so many things to 
wish for on earth : thev wish, at the 
least, to work for Thee on earth, and so 
honor Thee ; but is it not enough to 
be loved by Thee and to strive to live 
near to Thee ! Let me bear scorn and 
shame, but by Thy decree, and not by 
my fault, and I will not murmur. 

" I wish to come to Thee, and, happy 
man, I shall. The pilot guides his bark 
with care and perplexity toward a haven 
which he often misses ; but I embark 
in the ship of faith, and if I say merely 
4 1 wish to go to the Lord,' lo, the ship 
flies in the desired direction ; the breeze 
of free grace swells the sail, and I come 
to Him whom I seek, to the only place 
where I would be, — I come to Thee." 



70 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

The Lord. " I am the way, the truth, 
and the life. No man cometh to the 
Father but by me. 1 ' 

The SouL " Truly Thou art the goal, 
and Thou art also the way to it ! So is 
a stream the goal, and the way, too. 
When the stream flows into the sea, 
where the Son sits at the right hand of 
the Father, thither would I go. To 
arrive there I launch my bark upon the 
stream which is my way, not only a 
way which I follow, but which bears 
me on to my destined haven. So I 
come to Thee through Thee ! Thou 
leadest me and Thou bearest me to my 
journey's end ! " 




CHAPTER XII. 



BEFORE THE LORDS SUPPER. 



" Oh dear memorial of that death 
Which still survives and gives us breath, 
Live ever, Bread of Life, and be 
My food, my joy, my all to me! 
Come, glorious Lord, my hopes increase, 
And mix my portion with Thy peace ! 
Come, and forever dwell in me, 
That I may only live to Thee." 

R. Crashaw. 

f\ LORD, Thou hast said in Thy 
^ Word, " Behold I stand at the door 
and knock. If any man hear my voice 
and open the door, I will come in to him 
and will sup with him and he with me." 
So hast Thou knocked at the door of 
my heart and hast hidden me approach 
Thy holy table. From Thee has the 
invitation come, and I have followed 
it ; but while I have not resisted Thy 
grace, I do not feel the devotion, the 



72 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

collectedness of soul, the holy desire 
with which so sacred a rite must be 
kept. Therefore I come before Thy 
face, and ask Thee to prepare me for 
it, for I cannot prepare myself; and I 
can only ask for Thy aid by the impulse 
of the Spirit. The wish and the ful- 
filment still come from Thee. It is 
Thy gift if we live aright, act aright, 
suffer aright, die aright. It is also Thy 
gift, if we rightly receive what Thou 
dost offer us in Thy Supper. Oh, bring 
all the powers of my soul in harmony, 
that none be absent or sluggish, but 
that they may all with one consent turn 
toward Thee and Thy heavenly gifts. 
How gladly would I to-day keep the 
feast in a manner pleasing to Thee and 
helpful to myself! How gladly would 
I to-day be kept from the sins of which 
I have so often been guilty at this holy 
feast ! The first time that I approach- 
ed Thy table, how little I knew what 
I did ; how little I recognized the 



BEFORE THE LORD'S SUPPER. 73 

magnitude of Thy love and mercy ; 
how little of it I had experienced in 
my newly converted heart ! How sel- 
dom have I come to the Sacrament 
from a hearty feeling of need ! Have 
I always there confessed to Thee my 
sins with deep pain and with fervent 
desire ? Have I passed sufficient time 
in the reading of Thy word, in prayer^ 
in the examination of my state of soul, 
and of my duties ? Have I not often 
come to Thy holy table with my mind 
full of worldly affairs, and almost, as soon 
as I had left it, been drawn a«;ain into 
their whirlpool ? Have I not thus lost 
the blessing which Thou gavest me, in 
spite of my scanty preparation, and 
which I might have kept ? Oh, that I 
might to-day, and as often as I cele- 
brate Thy Supper here on earth, avoid 
these great failures and sins ! Oh, that 
I might to-day, and from now on ever- 
more, consider Thy heavenly gifts with 
faith and emotion, receive them with 



74 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

an open heart, and keep them faith- 
fully ! 

Oh, my Lord, what tongue can ex- 
press the richness of these gifts ; what 
created mind can fathom the secret 
of Thy Supper! "Take, eat" Thou 
sayest, " this is my body which was 
broken for you." " Drink ye all of it ; 
this cup is the new testament in my 
blood." Thy body which was broken on 
the Cross, which is risen and with which 
Thou hast ascended into heaven, Thy 
blood which flowed from Thv wounds, 
wilt Thou give these to me ? I cannot 
understand it ; I am astonished. I feel 
myself shaken to the depths of my 
heart ; but Thou hast said it, Thou 
hast promised it : therefore I believe 
it. Oh, Thou hast indeed died, out of 
love to us. Thou hast given Thy body 
to death for us. Why should not Thou, 
who art almighty, be able to leave to 
us Thy body in Thy Sacrament; and 
where Thy body is, art Thou not Thy- 



BEFORE THE LORD'S SUPPER. 75 

self? Canst Thou give Thy body with- 
out giving Thyself? Lord, whither lead- 
est Thou me ? From one height, from 
one depth, to the other ! Yes, it is Thy- 
self ! Thou, whom to see in heaven is 
my blessed hope ! Thou, whom the an- 
gels praise with veiled face ! It is Thou 
whom I am about to receive ! Thou wilt 
come to me with Thy Father and make 
Thine abode w T ith me ! Oh, strength- 
en me ; let me not sink in the deep 
sense of my un worthiness ! Let me only 
grasp some part of this mystery ! Thou 
wilt give me Thy body ! Thou wilt 
come to me, and make me one with 
Thee ! Does not this mean that Thou 
takest away all the stripes which I have 
deserved for my sins, by Thine omnipo- 
tent, gracious, saving presence ? For 
how can he be punished who becomes 
one with Thee ? Does it not mean that 
between me and that world of light 
and holiness, there has been a closer 
bond drawn, and that the door of mv 



76 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

heart shall be opened to its saving 
power? Does it not mean that Thou 
wilt live in me, so that I may also live 
in Thee ? 

But now, O Lord ! I can no longer 
gaze into the depths of Thy mercy ; and 
I yield to the call to look into the abvss 
of my own sin and misery. Let every 
one examine himself, says Thy Apos- 
tle, w r arningly. Alas, who needs not to 
examine himself, when he stands before 
Thee, and when Thou com est to re- 
ceive him into communion with Thee ! 
Who should not, by Thy light, clearly 
recognize his own darkness ! Alas, how 
could I help fixing my eyes upon my 
sins? No, I will not conceal one of 
them from Thee. Thou hast seen them. 
Thou seest them now. Thou seest more 
than I see. Forgive me also my secret 
sins ! Since they are all known to 
Thee, it will be easier for me to con- 
fess them to Thee. Why should I not 
tell Thee what Thou knowest already ? 



BEFORE THE LORD'S SUPPER. 77 

It will be easier to me, it will be 
possible to me to confess them to Thee, 
because Thou wilt forgive them. Be- 
fore a judge who threatened punish- 
ment I might have denied or concealed 
them, but before the Redeemer I let 
the tears of repentance flow unre- 
strained. Oh, unspeakable sorrow, most 
worthy of tears, that I have wounded 
the loving heart of my Saviour ! How 
much I have offended my brethren I 
With what intolerable burdens have I 
laden my own heart ! How many in- 
nocent joys, which were prepared for 
me, have I lost and trodden under 
foot ! What judgments would come 
upon me, if, when sin was powerful, 
Thy grace were not more so ? Even the 
fate of those who, eternally banished 
from Thy presence, are tortured by the 
worm which never dieth and the fire 
which is never quenched ! The second 
death cannot harm me, for Thou hast 
died. It shall have no power over me. 



78 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

saith Thy word, and so saith also Thy 
broken body, broken for me, which I 
am about to receive. Lord, I have 
indeed sinned deeply, but I will not 
hesitate, I will not reject Thy mercy ; 
I will not believe the enemy of my soul 
who whispers that I could do without 
it. Thou wilt reconcile me, mv heaven- 
ly Father. I will let myself be recon- 
ciled. Thou offerest me pardon, and I 
accept it. Merit of my own I have 
not, but I have Thine ; so I come spot- 
less to Thy feast, decked in Thy right- 
eousness. 

How I hate, Lord, the sins which 
Thou hast pardoned, and by which I 
have been guilty of Thy bitter passion 
and death ! How I long to abandon 
them ! How I long to resemble Thee, 
whom I love, in Thy holiness. How 
gladly would I in future combat my 
depraved desires, and walking in the 
way of life never more leave it ; I would 
fain work in my appointed place to 



BEFORE THE LORD'S SUPPER. 79 

Thine honor, and for the good of my 
neighbor, with more joyful persever- 
ance. I would fain have a tenderer feel- 
ing for my fellow-men, and be always 
ready to bear their infirmities, to for- 
give their trespasses, to rejoice in their 
happiness, to assist their necessities 
with the fruits of self-denial. Would 
that this fearful coldness, which I usu- 
ally feel toward Thee, my heavenly 
Father, toward Thee my Redeemer* 
might be replaced by fervent love. 
Would that I might always feel a desire 
for prayer, and joy in reading Thy 
Word ; that 1 might always walk be- 
fore Thee and with Thee ; this is 
Thy will for me also. Thou art willing 
to fulfil in me what I wish, for Thou 
drawest my heart and bindest it to 
Thine. Oh grant me, that I may re- 
ceive and retain what Thou givest me, 
and that I may not let Thy rich bless- 
ings slip again. 

Often, dear Lord, have I come to 

6 



80 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

Thy holy table with a heavy heart, 
and always hast Thou fulfilled Thy 
gracious promise, that Thou wouldst 
refresh all the weary and heavy laden 
if they would come to Thee. If I 
thought that some calamity threatened 
me and mine, Thy table appeared to 
me a city of refuge, where fear and 
care fled, and where I felt myself 
secure in Thy hands. When death 
robbed me of those dearest to me, Thou 
didst favor me then with a keener 
vision into Thine invisible world, so 
that with the eye of faith I could see 
Thee, and at Thy right hand those for 
whom I mourned. I am no longer one 
of those who are driven hither and 
thither by the storms of life, for after 
many tempests, Thou hast let a still, 
bright day rise for me. For this I 
praise Thee, and will praise Thee in 
Thy temple, at Thy feet ; also for the 
comfort and help which I have received 
from Thee in tribulation ! But Lord, 



BEFORE THE LORD'S SUPPER. 81 

while I count myself among the hap- 
py, I am also weary and heavy-laden, 
burdened with the miseries of this life 
which lead me to sigh for release. O 
Lord, listen now to my dearest, most 
secret, most fervent wishes. Since I 
have so often prayed for their fulfil- 
ment, why should I not now, while I 
feast upon Thy Body and Blood, in 
this moment of grace, when no believ- 
ing soul can but be heard. O Lord, give 
me, when the appointed time comes, a 
gentle, happy death. Grant me in- 
heaven, with Thy chosen ones, the vis- 
ion of Thy glory ! Grant me then a joy- 
ful meeting with my dear ones. Keep 
them and me, while we live on earth, 
from heavy sorrows and trials. Give 
me the strength and the means to serve 
Thee, to edify my brethren, and to help 
some of Thy needy children. Grant 
that those with whom I live mav bear 
with me, with my faults and infirmi- 
ties, and if I have committed a trespass 



82 HOURS WITH THE LORD. 

against them, may they pardon me; 
and may I always enjoy the happiness 
of being loved by some good men for 
Thy sake. 

I pray not only for myself, but also 
for all who partake of Thy feast to-day. 
There are amongst them, as Thou 
knowest, some very dear souls closely 
bound to me with the bands of kindred, 
love, and friendship. Oh, that Thou 
wouldst grant to them in tenfold mea- 
sure the blessings which I have im- 
plored for myself! Be pleased to give 
to each of them the special gifts which 
I ask for each, according to their neces- 
sities of which I know. May Thy grace 
be richly poured upon all who eat the 
same bread with us, and drink of the 
same cup. May none amongst them, 
even were they hundreds, receive Thy 
holy sacrament unworthily, to his soul's 
hurt and condemnation. If any one 
has sinned, however deeply, may he 
repent that sin with bitter tears, and 



BEFORE THE LORD'S SUPPER. 83 

be justified in Thy sight through faith ! 
Is there the least shade of bitterness in 
any heart ? Oh, melt it now and change 
it into love ! Yes, Lord, may love, 
pure, holy love, fill the hearts of those 
who approach Thee to-day, as it fills 
the hearts of those who are assembled 
before Thee in heaven : and may we all 
who celebrate Thy Supper here to-day 
meet again at Thy board in heaven ! 
So will I approach Thy sacred table^ 

Lord ! May it be to me according to 
Thy promise. Thou didst promise to 
give me Thy Body and Thy Blood, and 

1 expect to receive Thy Body and Thy 
Blood, even Thyself. What gift in 
heaven and earth could be greater? 
What moment is more sacred, more sub- 
lime than that in which we partake of 
these holy symbols ? Let me enjoy the 
blessedness of that moment aright ! Keep 
me from all evil, wandering thoughts ; 
I abhor them ; and because I abhor 
them, I know that they cannot harm 



84 HOUKS WITH THE LORD. 

me, even if they come. May I think 
upon Thee, may I look steadfastly unto 
Thee, that seeing Thee only, the whole 
world may be hidden to me, for in Thee 
I possess the world ! Give me if it 
please Thee, some emotion, a few bless- 
ed tears ; if not, give me deep devotion 
and whole-souled earnestness. Hearken 
and grant all the many prayers which 
Thy spirit will make in my heart with 
unutterable sighs. Come to abide in 
me, Lord ; come into my heart. It is 
a poor sinful heart ; but consecrate it 
to be Thy dwelling, Thy temple ; may 
this abode please Thee ; may est Thou 
never leave it, but abide in it through 
time and through eternity. Amen. 



THE END. 



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